Inspired by the low ratings drivers out there


I will be your driver for today. If you chose regular Lyft or Uberx you are appreciated and can have up to 4 people on this ride today. If you chose Lyft line or Uber pool I dislike you already and you will only get a total of 2 people on today’s ride and don’t even let me hear your mouth about picking up a 3rd or 4th person you cheap bastard.

Some ground rules to go over .

  1. Don’t smoke or ask to smoke.
  2. My car= My radio
  3. Don’t ask me about lowering the a/c
  4. I don’t make pit stops at drive thru fast food places.
  5. If you mess my car up I will be getting up to $150 from you and there is not a single thing you can do about it. So be respectful to my car.
  6. Don’t become my gps. I am not a moron and will get you to where you are going. If I need your input, I will ask you.
  7. Don’t be bringing your little babies in my shit with no car seat. You are the worst parent ever if you do and I will cancel on you faster than Tom Brady leaving the stadium in a Super Bowl.
  8. Don’t get in my car all stupid drunk and try to impress your stupid friends with how much You can mess with the Uber driver .

I am your driver not your bitch so don’t try to act like these companies own me and I won’t turn around and let you know that you’re being a jackass and don’t think I won’t throw your ass out of my car anywhere at anytime.

Tipping guidelines:
If you get a cab do you tip? The answer better be yes and same goes for me. I drive you around for peanuts and you know you are getting a break on that price unless it’s surging and in that case you are being taken for more rides than 1. So yeah I expect a tip and not that $1.00 bullshit.

Be courteous to me and I’ll give you that same respect back. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride . Have a great day.

wow all of that? let me suggest that if you are subject to all of that none scense, QUIT, and get a job

Screw Lyft line! I picked up a passenger in Hollywood and drove her for 20 minutes through stop and go traffic, then up windy neighborhood roads, only to make $4. No tip.

Add the answers every moronic question while you’re at it.

  1. no, I don’t do this full time.
  2. I don’t have any crazy stories to tell
  3. no, I’ve never driven any famous people
  4. the money isn’t really that good considering my expenses. But it’ll do.

I mean I would say most of that but yet my rating is still pretty damn high.

I do make pit stops at gas stations. It going in the same direction as the request. As long as they tell me in advance and not when I am just passing the driveway!